way over due post

I better try to hurry up, I have not had a lot of time to blog or do much else than take care of my sweet new baby and all of my boys actually, but I have really wanted to write down, blog style, my thoughts. I had Max on Dec. 30. There was a huge storm the day before and it took us almost two hours to get to Salt Lake from Lehi, which is normally only a thirty minute drive. This is only funny because the exact same thing happened the morning I had Jared three years before. I got up to the hospital and they got me going on pit and about an hour later they broke my water and I got my epidural. A few hours into labor, I was really starting to have pain. I thought I must be getting close and so they checked and I was not close. I tried to be tough and thought what a wimp I am being. I was really feeling pain though an hour later and so the anesthesiologist came and had me lean forward and my epidural was not even going into me and had been leaking into my bed the whole morning, Ha! so I was not being a wimp after all. So they had to redo the whole thing. Yes, another shot in the back with a larger then life needle....well worth it! I thought, hey, I am paying good money for this thing and I want it to work. and it did and I had a lovely nap. I woke up and for the first time in four times of being in labor, felt a little nauseous. I grabbed my handy dandy little throw up basket and proceeded to do just that. I know. ewwww. ( Hey nobody is forcing you to read my blog, other than the fact that you know it is going to be awesome :D) so where was I? oh yes, I barfed and then my sweet husband barfed. He can't handle barf, not even the sound of it. In fact, the whole labor thing is very hard on his delicate system. He would really like to do it old school as far as the husband goes and sit in the waiting room smoking a pipe ( well maybe not smoking a pipe, how bout sucking on a lolly pop) and have the doctor come out when all is said and done to announce he has yet another bouncing baby boy!! well too bad Dave, no can do and so once again as they lay my sweet son in my arms after only two pushes, I am in tears and poor Dave is at the garbage can dry heaving. He was thrilled though with our sweet Max. To our surprise he was born with a full head of dark hair and he was our smallest weighing in at 8 pounds 7 oz. I have found that on the 4th time around, I am much more relaxed with a new born and feel I have enjoyed him so much. He has had a lot of the same tummy issues our others have had and of course nursing is not easy in the beginning, but I feel I have finally figured out how to enjoy a new born, even with 3 other active little boys around me. I joked to Dave one night and said, "well, this isn't our first rodeo." and Dave said, " but it is our last!" needless to say, Dave loves our boys, but feels 4 is a good solid number to end on. I feel the same. almost. :D Life is amazing. It is such a strange and wonderful feeling to, how do I say this? grow up. I mean some days I can actually feel my self growing up. I know I am 29 years old, but in so many ways I feel exactly the same way I felt when I was 12, but being a mom forces you to grow up in all the good ways. My kids make me a better person and I am so grateful for that. I really feel that being a mother is the most humbling experience and the hardest experience I will ever have. It is also been what has drawn me closest to my savior. I know with out a doubt that he lives and that he died for me and for everyone. I know this because I am a mom. I know that my sweet baby boys are sons of my heavenly father. I feel a great responsibility to return them home safely to him. I know that as much as I love them, which is more love than I knew I was capable of, he loves them more. I want them to be able to reach their potential and I absolutely know that is something I can not do on my own. I need my heavenly father to help me. and he is and that is why I feel so grateful today. I love my life. I love my mom, dad and sisters. I love my in laws. I love my neighbors, my friends, my ward, the new moccasins I just bought because deep down I feel I am part Indian :D ( anyone who knows me well knows when I was little I was obsessed with Indian movies and books and truly thought I was, at least in spirit the last mohican :D) I love so many things. I have a wonderful friend who is truly heaven sent named Angie and she gave me a copy of her favorite book, Simple Abundance. I only read a page a day. One page I read the other day was titled, Standing knee deep in a river of water and dying of thirst. It talks about how we have so many blessings around us, but if we don't learn to recognize those blessings, it is like we are standing knee deep in a river and somehow dying of thirst. It talks about how happiness is an attitude and that we need to make it a habit to be optimists and to be grateful. The last line on the page says , " Let's choose today to quench our thirst for " the good life" we think others lead by acknowledging the good that already exists in our own lives. We can then offer the universe the gift of our grateful hearts. " So today I am offering the universe the gift of my grateful heart.