The hats I wear (a much too serious post)

Today I find myself in a questioning mood. Do you ever just find yourself in a moment that you feel like you have just run full speed into a brick wall. That is kind of how I feel today. Yesterday I had a plan of what I wanted to get done, some things I wanted to accomplish. I got up at 6 am and was going to go and workout, but could only find one running shoe. I looked around for a while, but somehow in my super organized house my shoe was lost. I was in a determined mood though yesterday, not necessarily to just work out, but to just accomplish some things and I did accomplish a lot. What could I do that was productive. My kids were still sleeping and Dave would not be leaving for over an hour. So instead of going to the gym to burn calories I went shopping and actually bought calories for consuming. A necessity though. Sometimes I get so sick of shopping and eating, but I have found I have to do it, I tried to stop once, (eating)but it just made me really dizzy. Not only do I have to worry about myself, but the whole family, they all look to me when we are out of food, clothes are dirty, bills need to be paid, shoes are missing, etc. etc. I guess sometimes I just can't believe that I am 26, a mother of 3, a wife, a young women's advisor and so on. When I was younger I would dream about the person I thought I would be at this age. I wanted a family, check, I wanted a house, check, I wanted a good husband, check, with a secure job, check. More than that though I just thought I would be more grown up, I mean feel more grown up and be more selfless. Be thinner, be kinder,etc etc. I have everything that I envisioned I would have, today though (and I have found it changes daily) today I don't feel like the person I envisioned in my head. I don't feel like wearing all of these hats today. Funny how we have everything we want and still are unhappy some days. I have a good friend who I can always talk to. She allows me to be really honest and to just be me. That is the kind of person I want to be. If we could all just be more accepting. Not just of others, but our selves. There was a talk given in general conference, I can't remember who gave it, but he said " there is not a sign on the door that says perfect people admitted only." Sometimes I think we all think we are supposed to be perfect though, although we know it is impossible. We are all a work in progress, but the first step to change is honesty. My husband has learned that I have no shame and that I would tell anyone anything about myself. I am not ashamed to admit I have weaknesses. Obviously I am not ashamed, I wrote on my blog that I asked my dentist if he spoke argentinian. I don't even think argentinian is a word. So today I am being honest. I admit I am not the person I envisioned myself to be at this point in my life. I admit I do not know the scriptures as well as I probably should. I admit I can be judgemental of others. I admit I don't change the sheets on my children's beds as often as I should. I admit I don't really feel like doing anything today that needs to be done. I just really want to read that book that is sitting on my bed. I admit at times I am not the brightest bulb in the tanning bed. I admit, I love the movie Juno even though it is kind of crude. I also admit though that I am trying to be a better person. I think it is exciting that life is so full of possibilities and that we get to choose for our selves the paths we will take and the different hats we will wear. This post was really just for me. If you found it weird, sorry. If you found it entertaining, your welcome. I just noticed there is a spell check at the top of this thing. Awesome.